Anticipation

The Half Ironman is next weekend. I'm a bit terrified. My training hasn't been coming together like I thought it would in the last two weeks. For the first time, I'm less worried about having a bad finishing time and more worried about becoming physically unable to finish. Perhaps I've bitten off more than I can chew?

I have a tendency to do these things; go blindly into a project or stare into the future without a full estimation of the consequences. It is equal parts stupid and endearing. And so when the deadline approaches, the anticipation of it becomes both exciting and yet crippling. It is a conscious act to decide which of the two will take over at any given time. In the end it is much easier to fall back on a construct of ourselves that we already know rather than trust the vision of the person we hope we can be. The snags in our journey outshine the possibility that things will be different this next time. It is difficult to say "I am an ironman athlete" and believe it.

In the thick of the summer, it isn't quite time yet to think about the first day back at school. But my thoughts about my upcoming race mirror what alot of kids think about that day. It is easy for bullied kids to focus on a year of more of the same as opposed to looking in the mirror and saying "things are gonna be better for me this time around" and believing it.

I'm climbing this monster of a hill, this Half Ironman, because I believe that I can be better than I ever thought I could. And I'm sending that energy to every kid who is struggling just to be themselves.

You can help me by donating to my race partner GLSEN by clicking the donation button on the right or https:/my.glsen.org/leschke